I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think my vagina is haunted
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Someone shattered a urinal.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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