dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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