She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
