paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
