i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
