Your face is a jimmy john
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
