I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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