Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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