I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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