he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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