she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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