a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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