First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
