How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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