it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A bitchslap is in order.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize