pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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