i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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