Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
