I want to have your abortion
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
