Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
