We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
two words...techno handjob
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
