Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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