Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
