YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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