I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
