Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
