I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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