you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize