We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
