the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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