I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
