I look better un-naked...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize