i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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