Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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