I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize