My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Everything about him screamed your future.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
