That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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