You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize