and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
