Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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