Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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