i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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