My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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