Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
