Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I intend to get homeless drunk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize