goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
