Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
