Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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