She's JV to your varsity
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
