I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
