You can't special order awesome
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
