don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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