For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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