I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize