I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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