the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
