He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
