the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
