Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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