Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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