I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
