last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it was like his penis was on wheels.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
