He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
