I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
