So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
