plz talk dirty to me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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