drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
