Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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