just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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