We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
