So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
