I'm lost and stupid without you.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
