with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
