She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
