Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
