I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you traded sex for a burrito?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
