remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
