i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
