Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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