wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
