Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
