Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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