They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
