yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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