$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
