i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
