So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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