I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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