So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
