I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
