i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
