..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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